“King of the Undies World is not a kids’ book,” said author Chris Page.

It’s not a kids’ book. Get over it.

The author’s remarks came after suggestions that King of the Undies World, Chris Page’s most recent novel might be a kids’ book.

Author Chris Page was quoted as saying ‘It’s not a book for kids, King of the Undies World.’

The confusion arose when a number of adults and parents asked him ‘Is King of the Undies World a children’s book?’

Both Chris Page and the parents and adults are thought to be referring to King of the Undies World, the comedy novel published by Psipook Press in January of 2015.

‘No, it isn’t in any way a book for children,’ Chris Page, the author, clarified.

The parents and adults are quoted as saying, ‘We were only asking because of the King of the Undies World’s apparent underpants theme, and the bright and jolly cover of a fat man in his underpants with an extra pair of underpants on his head. And our children were asking.’

‘No, absolutely not. King of the Undies World is not a book for children. I would know, because I am the author and also the designer of the cover,’ said Chris Page [Have we made the Chris Page-author collocation enough times to satisfy SEO criteria yet?].

‘But what about the cover and the underpants,’ the parents and adults wanted to know.

‘First,’ responded Chris Page through legally clenched teeth, ‘there are no kids in it. Second, some of the underwear is quite sexy, though I say so myself. I would be worried about the heads of children exploding if they read the sexy underwear bits. Bit. Second, some of the underwear is quite violent. We have military grade undies here that are not to be messed with.’

When pressed further on whether King of the Undies World was a book for children, the author and designer Chris Page stated: ‘Look, my official position on this is that King of the Undies World is not a book for kids. Quite apart from the scenes of sexy underwear and the pants-related violence, there’s drugs, terrorists Disney Land, a man who licks toilet seats, and quite a lot of sticky buns. I don’t think the averagely responsible parent would want their children to be exposed to so many depictions of sticky buns at such a young age. The kids might end up heroin junkies.’

In a further statement, Chris Page, author of King of the Undies World, said, ‘Do you remember the child catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? He was the scariest creation in fiction ever, so if this had been a book for kids I would definitely have put him in it to terrify the little buggers. But I didn’t. Ergo it’s not a fucking kids book, OK?’

Other people this book is not for include North Korea despots, persons of a literary disposition, and people who are afraid of underpants.

Update — star date, March 6th, 2016, beer time plus 17 minutes:

The author Chris Page (another SEO collocation there) has added that his more recent book The Underpants Tree, a followup to King of the Undies World, is not a kids’ book either. The Underpants Tree has two zombie apocalypses, and a struggle for the very soul of humanity as manifested in its underpants, at least one reference to yellow snow, and some very rude words — definitely not stuff for kids. Not small ones anyway. Big kids, maybe.

You have been warned