Witch dunking #GE2017

The Conservative party of the UK seemed intent on dragging the country back to the 19th century.

Now with it’s alliance with the DUP it seems to be taking us back to medieval times.

Tell ’em about it.

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An innocent and sincere question about the Conservative alliance with the DUP

bollocks_DUP's got it9490_n copy copyOK, I would like to know — and this is a serious question to all of you who voted Conservative — why do you think it’s OK to hook up with group that, apart from being completely backward, is also the political wing of a terrorist organisation?

I would really, genuinely like to know. How do you feel that your vote has essentially gone to supporters of terrorism?

When I say ‘supporters of terrorism’ I could be referring to both the Conservatives and the DUP, but for today’s conversation, in the interests of simplicity, let’s just talk about the Conservatives. No, I mean the DUP. (Freudian slip!)

One of the main Conservative attacks on Corbyn and Labour in recent weeks was an entirely fictitious story that he was in cahoots with IRA terrorists, that he was unpatriotic, that he was soft on defence, soft on terrorism and just generally soft all through. Like, don’t touch this guy, you’ll get goo all over your hands. But when it came down to the wire, the fucking Tories ran off to the DUP, notorious representatives of a terrorist organisation and asked for help.

(In case you’ve been in a coma for the last two days, or read the mainstream newspapers in the UK, the general election resulted in a hung parliament and the Conservatives ran off to the Dumbfuck Onionist Party of Northern Ireland to snatch the MPs they needed to get to the majority threshold. Which she achieved with a margin of zero.)

So far, so fucking shabby.

But let’s catch up with the DUP in objective terms. The party is endorsed by terrorist groups the UDA, UFV and RHC. The DUP has vetoed gay marriage in NI, and is anti-abortion. Oh, by the way, wasn’t gay marriage legalised in the rest of the UK by the actual Conservative party as such? This would suggest that the Conservatives have again got into bed with people who do not share the same values. No matter, on we go. In this time of austerity, one DUP MP was last year ordered to pay back £14,000 in falsely claimed expenses. The DUP has previously said that climate change ‘doesn’t matter’, and their education spokesperson believes the world is less than 10,000 years old. Apparently, a large number of their members believe in creationism. Oh, and the party believes in ‘ethnic nationalism’, i.e., if you’re not white and Protestant, you’re, you know, not quite human.

Nice work if you can get it.

I mean, the Conservative party has always sold itself on being tough on law and order and terrorism and being the holders of the moral high ground.

So, to go back to my question, why exactly do you think it’s OK to hook up with these guys? Really? Do they represent what you think?

If you don’t want to respond in a public space, you can email me: psipook@psipook.com

Really! I’d very much like to know.

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That DUP-Conservative alliance in full

Conservative party alliance with DUP_v01

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Sanctioned now available in Kindle

Sanctioned

Yes, Sanctioned is now available in both paperback and Kindle.

The paperback can be ordered from any outlet in the world (in theory) or direct from Amazon.

If you order the paperback from Amazon.com you can get the Kindle version free.

Unfortunately, this offer is not available on Amazon’s regional sites. (Amazon’s decision, not mine.)

Eventually, you will be able to order the paperback direct from the author (hi!) but there is no stock available yet. Watch here for updates on that.

 

 

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Ode to that magical money tree #2017

magic money tree twitter

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Please vote my new book into obscurity on Thursday

Please make my book irrelevant on Thursday.

It’s taken me nearly two years to produce, it was published only last week, and on Thursday you have your chance to render my effort all for nothing.

And I hope you do.

In fact please, please, please, pretty please condemn this new book, this offspring of the sweat of my brow, to become a silly relic, a cowflop of futility just a week after it came off the press.

The book is called Sanctioned — hey, I have to plug the thing so you know which book to cast into the darkness of literary irrelevance.

Those of you in Britain might already have guessed something of the book’s themes from the title. Sanctioned — yes, that kind of sanction.

You see, for decades, British governments, following their masters, their baiters, their master baiters in the boardrooms of big companies with vomit-inducing brands have been waging a war on the unemployed, the vulnerable, the sick, the poor, those people in precarious circumstances, inculcating a belief that they are lazy, scrounging, work-shy, feckless, malingering, skiving leaches.

Sanctioned

Dispel all reason to read this book when you vote on Thursday June 8th, 2017

At the same time, the same governments have waged a war of attrition on any area of public life that can be considered useful or communal or not strictly for profit. They have demonised doctors, nurses, teachers, and even the police as a drain on public resources. In short they have blamed all society’s ills on the unlucky, those trying to help them, and those who are trying to help society as a whole.

So, these knobs in suits in London have eviscerated communal Britain, implementing the most callous campaign against ordinary people we have seen since Thatcher, and carrying on the sociopathy of Blair and Cameron.

Meanwhile, these grey non-entities have been funnelling money out of your pockets into the pockets of the faceless, unaccountable corporations that pull their strings. They do that through bailouts and privatisation and tax deals for megacorps and tax avoidance for the super rich.

And they call it responsibility. They call it austerity. They call it good housekeeping.

We call it bollocks. This corporate welfare is the real sponging.

Now, against expectations, we have a chance to get rid of the fuckers and change the conversation.

That chance is Thursday, the general election.

Sanctioned exists to take the piss out of these knobs in suits so if the Tories lose, then my book is likely to become pointless overnight.

Please make it so.

I’d swap the two years and all the hours and the frustration and the brain-ache, to have that conversation changed.

Let’s be clear, I’m not just talking of a change in government, swapping one bunch of bloodsuckers for another, I’m talking about the beginning of a whole other way of doing things, a different vision. Yes, I know, change doesn’t come overnight and disappointment is the normal outcome of hope, but we have to get rid of the corporate parasites, clear the air and talk about possibilities not fatalism.

Perhaps my book and what it rails against can be consigned to the dust of some time-forgotten cave to be wondered over by future generations, an artefact of a barbaric past, like something dug up by Charlton Heston and his furry friends at the end of the Planet of the Apes.

So go on, make my day, trash my book, vote those grasping motherfuckers out.

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Chris Page Sanctioned: new novel out today

So here it is on Amazon: Sanctioned.

Sanctioned_Amazon_day_one_x650And just in time for the general election in the UK — could the themes of the story be relevant to certain things going on in that country. Perhaps you’ll have to read it to find out, or just read the first page, which is here.

‘Britain is sinking under the weight of scroungers, skivers, shirkers, refugees, migrants, libtards, experts, and snowflakes. The economy is hobbled and the very fabric of society is in need of a good scrubbing. Gideon Smith, an agent of the Department of Aspiration, has been tasked with doing something about it — and in no uncertain terms,’ is what the blurb says.

Sanctioned is as of today available on Amazon as a paperback. The Kindle will be coming soon. Watch this space for updates — or follow the chris-page.com blog.

More preview chapters and info coming soon.

 

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Yesssssss! I just saw this:

Yesssssss! I just saw this: a conservatively, affluently dressed woman leading a transvestite guy by collar and chain through central Osaka in the middle of the afternoon.

The bloke was wearing a fetchingly tiny black one-piece with very endearing white and pink makeup, and pink flowers in his hair. He was middle-aged and his face sagged into his predicament like the actual soggy pudding of mortality.

I just fucking love big cities, I do!

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Sanctioned

Sanctioned_cover_04_draftThe man knocking on the shabby door of the grottiest flat in the scuzziest estate in the slummiest corner of London has a nose that looks like a bellend.

Gideon Smith steps back from the door upon which he has rapped with a smirk of satisfaction at a job well done and waits for someone to answer.

Smith is the definition of nondescript, the sort of person who could run down the high street on a busy Saturday afternoon stark bollock naked and with his head on fire without being noticed. He has buttoned-down hair with an appallingly neat side parting, a forehead that is expansive to no good end or reason, and a face that would be entirely without feature but for that one remarkable thing in its middle — and this thing is often and inevitably remarked upon. The remarkable thing being, of course, the nose that looks like a thing. It is, perhaps, the sole thing by which to remember Gideon Smith because the rest of him slips out of the consciousness so easily. The bridge of the nose is unusually round and tubular and angled in such a way as to suggest dangling-ness and terminates in an unusually bulbous and fleshy tip that is deeply cleft in a very unfortunate and evocative way. It is not just a feature that sticks in the memory, it is a talking point in itself. ‘Gideon who?’ people might say when asked to recall him. ‘Which Smith?’ they might ask. ‘Oh, you mean the bloke with a nose like a bellend?’ And, ‘Christ! I remember the nose, don’t remember the rest of him. Isn’t he a bit of a wanker?’ It is, you might say, his claim to fame, that nose that looks like a bellend.

There are other reasons besides the notable nose for which Mr Smith ought to be well known. If only anyone actually knew them.

[The first page of the new novel by Chris Page — to be published very soon.]

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Coming soon!

image loadingI’m a bit chuffed to have just finished the penultimate draft of the current story.

It’s been a long time coming (without good excuse in either my use of time or the quality of the story).

Next tasks: another thorough edit, and on with the cover art.

Presumably, the story will be in the shops this spring.

Can you contain yourself? Can I contain myself?

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