How many uses for a banana are there? I can think of a few.

• mimikaki for people with large ears
• if tied to the bottom of feet they are a cheap alternative to roller blades by virtue of the slippy quality of banana skins
• a crutch for a small person
• a device for cleaning around the U-bend in toilets
• a neck support for passengers on long haul flights
• a stirrer for your tea
• a friend to talk to
• using advanced laser technology, a banana could be a device for storing huge amounts of information such as a novel like War and Peace: using clever mathematical formula you can encode War and Peace as a single long number: using clever laser technology you measure the exact mid point of the banana, then convert your number code for W&P to a fraction of one, and burn a line exactly that fraction of a centimetre from the mid point of a banana, and voila, you have the entire contents of W&P stored on a banana
• a non-returning boomerang
• a dug-out canoe for mice
• an artificial chonmage
• a lump in your pocket
• prosthetic fingers for amputees
• a snorkel for people who don’t do their snorkelling under water
• vegetarian sausages

These bananas feature in Chris Page’s collection of short fiction, Un-Tall Tales, which you can find on Amazon, or explore further on it’s very own site.