Weedy paperback nouveau est arrivée

weed paperback coverThe proof copy of Weed the paperback arrived today. Yes, Weed is in paperback. Missed the delivery as I was at J’s high school graduation thingummy. Got home to find that the PO had been knocking at the door. Armed with a can of beer, legged it to the local PO and claimed the weedy thing.  An interesting feeling having in your hand something that you not only wrote but whose internal and external design is all your own.

The book is done by laser printing rather than offset so you don’t have quite the Penquin quality of finish. And the colours on the cover are other than I defined them, but this is all nerdy picky stuff, so let’s skip it and go straight to the merlot.

Weed the paperback novel should be available through Amazon et al in a couple of weeks. Will update through this page.

 

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Weed and Shorts now in Kindle store

Well, if you want something done properly, do it yourself … ahem.

The novel Weed and short story collection Shorts are now finally available through the Kindle store.

Weed here.

Shorts here.

Way past time too.

The two have been available since Sunday bt I have been cowed by other work and haven’t got around to mentioning the fact.

I feel a bit ambivalent about playing with Amazon after all the uncool things they have done in recent years but, sod it, they are the biggest distributor of books, e- or otherwise. I shall reserve my principles for my stories. Ahem.

Readers can download Kindle books to their Kindle readers, iPads, other tablets, iPhone, iPod touch or laptop if you have the relevant free software installed.

So, only a year and a bit after the damn things came out, here they are available through the main channel. Quite fast for me, really.

And I hope to have some other froody news later this week.

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iCrap: News Corp’s digital newspaper

News today that Rupert Murdoch and Steve Jobs are putting out a newspaper designed specially for iPad and tablet devices.

Digital magazines and newspapers are on their way and I for one welcome them. I, like many others, am prepared to pay for good content that I can download and read anywhere … But I am not paying for anything from News Corp. No way, no how, not even a little bit.

Murdoch is a vicious old crypto-fascist and shame on Mr. Jobs for having anything to do with him.

I am hoping that digital publishing will empower individual writers and readers but it seems like the big corporations are all over it.

Rupert Murderoch claims that the new paper will combine “a tabloid sensibility with a broadsheet intelligence”. Utter bollocks. Contradiction in terms. Does he think we are stupid? Clearly.

Everything from Screws Corpse is produced by and for mouth-breathing knuckle draggers.

I remember when Rupe bought the Village Voice. There was an immediate boycott by readers, revenues plummeted and the old despot had to divest pdq. I suppose such a reader boycott will be too much to hope for with his new digi-rag.

One problem with digital publications: people like Murdoch can’t choke on their own products. Damn.

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Weed on Barnes & Noble, Borders and Kobo

Wow, while I wasn’t paying attention (when am I paying attention?) Weed, the novel, has been added to the e-book sites of Barnes & Noble, Borders and Kobo, giving many more people many more opportunities not to buy it. Click below to vid.

Weed at Barnes and Noble

Weed on Borders

Weed on Kobo

Inexplicably, Shorts is not listed with all the same people as Weed. I don’t know what that’s about.

As you know, e-books are in short supply, so hurry while stocks last!

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Fuck the Pope

Fuck the Pope: that’s the message that journalist Hunter S Thompson and artist Ralph Steadman attempted to paint on the side of the Italian entry for the Americas Cup in Rhode Island many years ago. Of course, I would never stoop so low as to use this cheap and easy insult to comment on the Pope’s current visit to the UK, let alone to title a blog about it. Oh no. Not a bit. Just wanted to get that clear.
However, I do feel, reading the press today that the Pope’s is painting Fuck the British on the side of the nation. Of course, he didn’t say so in so many words. Bad language and prejudice, like paedophilia, are unknown in the Catholic Church.
Things got off to a bad start with one cardinal likening the UK to the third world, apparently because the country is diverse and lacking Aryan purity.
Then Pope Ratty stepped up to the mic and declared that UK was doing OK, he supposed, for a SECULAR country. It turns out that the Pope has a problem with Britain for not being religious enough for him. He’s the Pope for Christ’s sake, compared to him the Apostles are borderline secular.
But think about it: the Pope coming over here and complaining that we’re not religious enough is like a teetotaler going to the pub for the evening and then complaining that people are drinking alcohol. Why bloody go to the pub in the first place?
Then Ratsy went on to compare secular humanists to Nazis.
We’ve heard this argument from the Vatican before and despite having had it thoroughly laughed at every time, they drag it out whenever they can. Full marks for futile flying in the face of reality, I suppose, but then that is what religion is about.
Hitler, he asserted, waged war to eradicate God from society. Hitler, we assert, waged war to establish the Germanic peoples as the master race. Ratsy, being an ex-member of the Hitler Youth, should be aware of this.
It’s fun to point out too that Hitler was a Catholic. OK, the fun stops there, because he was a prolapsed Catholic and to be fair, the Nazis persecuted and killed a great many Catholic priests. However, in the further interests of historical accuracy, the Nazis co-opted  whatever bits and bobs of religion that suited their own pseudo theology and even co-opted Catholicism in Poland as a means of controlling the people. The point being, that for the Nazis, religion wasn’t really in it one way or the other. And you certainly don’t find Britain’s secular humanists making bonfires of human bodies, going on crusades or setting up a Spanish Inquisition. It’s also worth mentioning that there are some pretty real allegations of the Vatican collaborating with the Nazis.
And what’s this stuff about ‘extreme’ atheism? The religious talk as if atheism is an ideology. It isn’t. It’s an absence of faith. Spreading an absence of faith is a bit like spreading an absence of marmalade on your breakfast toast.
Following this came the very logical claim that because Britain spent so much energy fighting the godless Nazis, we should be more Christian now. I wasn’t there, but I believe that Britain fought the Nazis in order to preserve a culture wherein each individual is free to be whatever creed or ethnicity or sexuality comes naturally to that individual and believe whatever they like, however bonkers, including Holy Trinities and that condoms are evil. I don’t think anyone was fighting a Christian crusade or a battle to protect the Catholic church. The pope on the other hand seems to have a problem with diversity, and an explicit problem with women’s rights, gay rights and people not being Catholic.
So, like I say I wouldn’t stoop to being so crude and rude, but where are Mr. Thompson and Mr. Steadman when you need them?

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Dolphin saga, part 27 — in which our intrepid hack’s trusty HB is put to no use at all

It is not often in Kansai that we get real events that writerly persons can get their literary teeth into, so it was with some real enthusiasm and thrill that I determined to cover the protests against the dolphin killing in Taiji, Wakayama slated for next week.

In case you’ve been asleep in a small dark box in the back of a closet and several miles underground these last two years, Taiji is a town in Japan that has become notorious for its dolphin slaughters, an activity documented for the first time by the Oscar-winning US film The Cove.

The dolphin killing season begins on September 1st each year and following up on the raised attention abroad and in Japan from the film, Ric O’Barry, activist, was planning some peaceful outings in the town. There were dark rumours of the right wing bussing in goons for a counter demonstration and it was well known that the local people and the local police have, erm, negative feelings toward anyone protesting the dolphin hunt.

The other day, I filled in my company leave application forms from the day job for September 1 and 2, checked out hotels and camp sites online, made a list of editors I would contact in advance — one agency I am registered with feeds photos to Getty — planned live blogging through my various wireless devices, sought out proper press accreditation while entertaining a plan to fake some if the real version was too slow to come, and even contemplated buying a new lens for the Nikon — long or wide, or one of each? I had figured out train times, budgeted expenses versus potential returns from selling stories or photos and was energetically burnishing my self-righteousness. Yes, it was a one-person journalistic drool fest.

And in the middle of this I checked back with www.savejapandolphins.org looking for camp sites and found that Ric O’Barry had cancelled the event.

The threat of confrontation by the right wing had gone beyond rumour and was becoming acute. O’Barry reasoned that, apart from the issue of people getting hurt, a conflict would change the agenda. The defenders of the cull are never shy about presenting the issue as one of Japan defending itself against foreign interference and an actual clash might add fuel to the propaganda machine. Rather than let the right alter the agenda, O’Barry has changed his plans. He will be in Japan next week but talking to the media to try to get his message across.

So that’s me having a very selfish tantrum fit to match the kid on the YouTube biggest freak out video. Somebody spoiled my chance to win the Journo of the Millenium award!

But not all is lost. The occasion gives me a further chance to fulminate some more. In a previous post I rattled on about the idiocy of the arguments of the people defending the dolphin slaughter and it occurred to me later that I could have ranted even more.

Tradition!, they say, and Tradition! they say again. I think we kicked that one out of play, but it is worth noting some other instances of cruelty and tradition.

Whaling and dolphin-ing has been practiced in Japan only since the 17th century. I am not sure how long people have to do something before it officially becomes tradition, but 400 years doesn’t seem that long in a country that has existed as a cultural and linguistic entity for nearly 2,000 years.

Not only is it tradition, but everyone else does similar things too, the cull defenders say. Well, Britain, the US and other countries had a tradition of whaling probably longer and more active than that of Japan. Moby Dick, one of the most famous and celebrated American novels, was about whaling. How about that for being a part of a country’s culture? And yet these whaling countries have successfully given it up without any apparent withdrawal symptoms or any cultural or economic collapse. More recently Britain has banned fox hunting (sort of) over the same kinds of protests trotted out by Japan’s fisher folk. From Countryside Alliance to seaside alliance, as it were.

Even more recently, Catalonia has banned bull fighting and that ‘sport’ is a real cultural pillar in Spain, stronger, more widespread and older than Japan’s tormenting of cetaceans. Most Japanese people don’t realise their countrymen are killing whales and dolphins, for fuck’s sake. What kind of tradition is that?

There was very considerable international opprobrium of fox hunting and bull fighting, but there was also healthy debate within Britain and Spain about these practices and it was internal pressure that put a stop to them. In Spain, the Catalonian ban has very much invigorated the debate about the national sport. The debate has been pretty much drowned at birth in this country.

Oh, by the way, bull fighting is not only legal in Japan, but goes on to this day in certain places. The bull fighting here pits bull against bull, not person against beast. It is a localised idiosyncrasy, a git like dolphin killing. I haven’t heard of any opposition to it.

But in the west there’s cock fighting and dog fighting! Yes, but it’s illegal and when people are caught doing it they go to prison. Not so in Japan, it seems.

And as for the goons, as one wise friend put it, when are these wankers going to realise that this isn’t about them, it’s about the dolphins?

O’Barry and his people are trying to suggest to the fishermen and the town authorities of Taiji that they can still use the dolphins and whales as a source of income without catching or killing them: whale watching and dolphin swimming are great tourist attractions in various places in the world. In fact, Taiji has experimented with a bit of captive dolphin swimming recently, so perhaps they are receptive to new ideas after all. I think that’s great plan B — much better than coshing environmentalists. I’m there.

And after my petulant disappointment over the September 1 plan change, I have my own plan B. Better go and get on with it. Yaroo!

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Cove-ing into view

Yesterday I saw the film The Cove on the first day of its Japan release. Good attendance at the cinema, a small police presence, no nationalist protesters that I could see and lots of TV and print journalists cadging reactions from departing film-goers.
In case you’ve missed the b(r)oohaha, The Cove is the Oscar-winning documentary about the ongoing dolphin slaughter at Taiji in Wakayama, Japan. Wakayama is just down the road from Osaka, so this is a local story that we’ve been following in Kansai Scene — and if it weren’t local I’d be following it anyway because it is an issue with global implications.
The dolphin slaughter kills about 1,500 cetaceans every year.
Taiji the town has a thriving tourist trade built partially on its connections with whales and dolphins but never mentions the slaughter, which is conducted out of sight and in secret. Most Japanese people are unaware that this slaughter is happening as there is a near media black out on the issue. The media blackout comes from the appalling collusion through commercial interests between corporate and institutional Japan and the private media, which constitutes a de facto censorship system.
The Taiji fishermen will round up hundreds of dolphins and herd them into a particular cove. Tourists will gather to watch the spectacle of the cute animals being brought together and see buyers from aquariums and film studios choosing the animals to be shipped alive to the US, Europe, etc. The remaining dolphins and pilot whales are then herded into another cove out of sight of tourists or media and speared to death. Their meat is sold and any unwanted carcasses are dumped offshore. The meat of dolphins is highly toxic, another point of potential interest to the Japanese people that is kept from them. Being on top of the food chain, mercury accumulates in the body of dolphins. The concentrations of mercury are unsafe for humans and a threat to the health of the animals. The mercury comes from human industrial activities and leads to a crippling and fatal condition known as Minamata disease.
The dolphin meat is re-labelled as whale meat and sold to unsuspecting customers in supermarkets. The mayor of Taiji  has been donating free dolphin meat to schools up and down the country as a PR stunt, ensuring that children everywhere are getting a good dose of heavy metals in their lunch.
Film crews and anyone investigating the slaughter in Taiji are blocked, harassed, threatened and intimidated by the fishermen, suspected rightist/yakuza members, the local authorities and the police. Protesters and activists have expressed a fear for their lives. The makers of The Cove went to extraordinary lengths to secretly film the killing.
The film was released last year in the free world but has only just been made available in Japan. With the news of its release here, nationalist groups and pro-whaling activists sent threats to and picketed the domestic distributors and cinemas wanting to show the film. Most cinemas gave up  the idea of showing the film and it was only after the official release date had passed without any cinemas carrying the movie that a judge in Yokohama stepped in to grant an injunction against the goons to stop them picketing theatres. This weekend a whopping six cinemas across the country and only one in Osaka are braving the threats.
The Osaka cinema is in a district called Juso, which is well known for its local, er, colour, and community of yakuza and right-wing morons, so I was wondering whether there would be any pickets or protests. There were none that I could see, but lots of media interest.
The story of the slaughter and of the cover up highlights all sorts of issues, from the ethics of killing, to collusion between government and industry, to free speech, and to the (in)effectiveness of International Whaling Commission, making The Cove a must-see event.
I must warn that anyone in an emotionally vulnerable state is in for a rough ride and the footage of the slaughter is harrowing.
As a documentary, I wonder whether we needed all the cloak and dagger stuff about how the film was actually made, but if it brings in the punters and helps to provoke a debate on the issues, who cares?
Defenders of this slaughter and whaling in general defend their practices in all sorts of ways.
It’s tradition, they say. Bollocks. Traditions change, a process known as progress. Once upon a time it was tradition in Japan to practice euthanasia by dumping old and infirm people on mountains. I wonder if the whalers would like to go back to that. Perhaps they’d like to give up the internal combustion engines on their boats and electricity in their homes. The killing is about money and nationalism. It has nothing to do with tradition or survival or anything else. The fishermen of Taiji get $150,000 for a live dolphin sold to an aquarium and $600 dollars for the meat of a dead one. One thousand five hundred cetaceans are killed in Taiji every year. You do the maths.
It is also a matter of raw, fascist nationalism. The chumps who hunt the whales and dolphins and the national institutions that protect the practice are basically saying ‘fuck off foreigners’. I am not exaggerating. They see foreign interference in all walks of Japanese life, and the issue of cetaceans has become symbolic, a fact that the rest of the world has failed to grasp, and which is probably (and properly) beyond the comprehension of most rational minds. In Britain we have the paranoid imbeciles of UKIP, the BNP and the Countryside Alliance barking at every noise from Brussels (but not Washington, you hypocrites). In Japan we have the whalers and their rightist pals barking at every noise from the rest of the world and every living thng in the ocean.
I would like to point out that the dolphin killing is not a local or national issue. The natural world is of importance and relevance to everyone who lives in it, not just the people who happen to live next door to a particular bit of it.
The authorities also say that killing dolphins is “pest control”. Their words, not mine. Wonderful footage of the response of delegates at the IWC to Japan’s presentation of the same point to justify whaling. “It’s impossible to take that presentation seriously,” said one bewildered Australian. “Without a shred of scientific credibility”, said another chap.
The local authority spokesman said that dolphin meat may be toxic, but it was legally toxic and anyway contained some useful nutrients. Bananas have useful nutrients, why do we need dolphin vitamins?
Westerners eat cows, what’s the beef about eating cetaceans? Well, not all westerners eat meat, and there is a vigorous debate in the real world about the ethics of raising, butchering and eating animals of all kinds.
The ethical issue, is indeed engaging. What is the difference between eating cow and dolphin? Many anti-whalers and opponents of dolphin slaughter cite the intelligence of cetaceans as reason for not killing them. Despite the obvious intuitive appeal of this argument, it does not work for many reasons. How do you gauge animal intelligence without being anthropocentric and where, anyway, would you draw the line between dumb enough to kill and smart enough to live? IQ tests in the lobby of the abattoir, anyone? Having said that, the compelling part of the intelligence argument is that you can apply it  to humans, thus allowing the cow to butcher the butcher, or chickens to slaughter the fishermen of Taiji.
If we swap the word ‘intelligence’ for ‘sentience’, we have a more compelling argument. We generally don’t kill other people (well, we do, but you know what I mean) and we refrain partly out of a sense of enlightened self interest. We also refrain through empathy; we are aware that other people are self-aware. (Note how in times of war propaganda will try to dehumanize the enemy to make killing palatable.) Dolphins are sentient. Even by the standards of any anthropocentric test, they are self-aware. A friend yesterday made me aware of the useful and exciting distinction between run-o-the-mill sentience and sentient sentience; sapiens sapiens as opposed to just sapiens. In other words the awareness of being aware, or in yet more other words, the ability for reflective, creative thought. Dolphins are without doubt sapiens sapiens. I find it hard to justify the killing of any sentient creature (and there are good arguments for not killing non-sentient ones) and impossible to justify killing reflectively aware creatures.
I would like to add as an aside that hundreds of species are ‘demonstrably’ sentient, including most or all cetaceans and primates, and common sense tells me that sentience is the norm rather than the exception in the animal world, contrary to  traditional assumptions.
If anyone out there can justify killing sentient creatures, especially sentiently sentient ones, I would like to hear from you because that is an urgent debate I would like to engage with.
As for the response of Japanese people to this film. So far it seems to be: we didn’t know about the slaughter of the dolphins, that we were being sold toxic meat and both have got to stop, but what are you foreigners doing coming here and telling us things about ourselves we didn’t know? I believe there has been some mockery of the film’s dramatic presentation of getting the footage (commando-style ops with camouflage and wotsit heat seeking camera things).
Next, there is talk of celebrity campaigners from Hollywood descending on Taiji this September to protest the slaughter (the fisherfolk might usefully turn their harpoons on them).
The town of Iki was once notorious for killing cetaceans in a similar manner and they stopped — but only when they ran out of dolphins to kill. I hope and believe the slaughter at Taiji will stop before we get to that point and this film will be part of the process of progress.

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How football imitates life

Yesterday, during a break at work I was chatting with colleagues and about to tuck into a large sausage sandwich. I mentioned something about football and suddenly my sandwich was airborne. As happens at these moments, time slowed down. There was my sausage sandwich going end over end on a high parabolic trajectory in slow motion. Cue Blue Danube soundtrack.

I got my hand to it but only tipped it further on. I got my hand to it again and then again, and a colleague made a brave lunge for the sandwich too and then it splatted on the floor, sausage side down.

I have no idea why the sandwich took off in the first place. It just went.

Less than 24 hours later, England’s goalkeeper Robert Green did the same thing with the ball, fluking the USA an equalising goal in their first game of the current World Cup. As with my sausage sandwich there was no particular reason for the bizarre thing to happen. It just did. One second Mr Green was gathering the ball, the next, it had popped off across the goal line quite by its own accord.

I hid my embarrassment over the sandwich by zooming off to the men’s room to wash my hands. Poor Mr Green had to stand there with millions of people around the world staring at him, particularly the entire population of England, all of whom had invested their last hopes and dreams in this England team and all of whom were pants wettingly anxious about the humiliation of losing to the USA. Losing to a team of boy scouts would be less humiliating than losing to the USA. And Mr Green had to stand there until half time when he could at last lose himself up the players’ tunnel.

As a punishment Mr Capello the manager made him come out again after the break and stand there for the whole of the second half.

I couldn’t help but see my sausage sandwich as an augur. If you want to know the future, ask a sausage.

The ancient Greeks had only Oracles and chicken entrails to divine the future, which is presumably why the modern Greeks just lost 2-0 to South Korea. They neglected to pay attention to their sausages in the run up to the game.

And then again, the same evening I weighed myself for the first time in months and found myself to be heavier than I have ever been (again) — just hours later Capello fielded Emile Heskey against the USA in his starting lineup.

How spooky is that?

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Synthetic life

An American scientist claims to have created synthetic life. I am sorry, but there’s nothing new in this. Synthetic life has been with us for decades and decades. Ever been on a commuter train, worked in an office, gone to a shopping mall, visited a theme park or watched TV? That’s both seeing and living synthetic life; this is life at its furthest remove from authenticity.

synthetic life illustration

Illustration by Chris Page

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Hung parliament on a minute, there …

If I had voted Liberal Democrat I think I would be well pissed off that my democratic choice had been converted into a vote for the Tories. In fact, I’d have my hat and ire on and be on my way to the polling station asking for my vote back.

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